Soaps Unlimited

Kanina sa Marimar…

Nagsinungaling si Corazon kay Sir Sergio na patay na si Marimar at ang batang dinadala niya sa kanyang sinapupunan. Naniwala si Sergio kaya naman ganoon na lang ang paghagulgol niya sa puntod ni Marimar. Mabuti na lang at di niya naitulak ang puntod dahil mukhang nakapatong lang ito sa damo na di umano’y tumatakip sa lupang pinaglibingan ng ating bida. Mabuti rin at di natuluan ng luha ang puntod dahil pihadong mai-is-smudge ang mga nakasulat dito. Then again, baka naman permanent marker ang ginamit dito so keri lang.

Samantala, ang bruhang si Angelika ay tuloy pa rin ang pagpapahirap kay Renato Santibañez na nabaliw na nga yata. At siyempre ganoon pa rin ang mga damit ni Angelika: pang-outlandish bimbo noong 80s. Hindi lamang sa mundo galit si Angelika, pati sa make-up mukhang gigil na gigil rin siya.

Sa mansion naman ni Bella Aldama, chinika na ni Bella kay Inocencia ang pagpapakiusap niya kay Corazon na linlangin ang dati niyang asawa. Kaso nagsimula nang maghanap ng Daddy ang anak niyang si Cruzita. Inamin naman ni Marimar, este Bella, sa kanyang anak na di na makikilala ng bata ang kanyang tunay na ama na nang-iwan sa kanila noon. Nag-iyakan sila at saka nagyakapan.

Nakakapagtaka lang at parang hindi apat na taong gulang si Cruzita kung mag-isip at magsalita. At mukha rin siyang pito o walong taong gulang na. Baka naman hindi talaga si Sergio ang tatay nung bata? At baka di rin si Marimar/Bella ang nanay niya. In short baka napalitan siya sa ospital o sa Amerika kung saan sila nanirahan ng nanay niya at kung saan kuminis ang kutis ni Inocencia.

Patuloy naman ang pangungulit ni Marvin Agustin (Di ko alam ang pangalan ng character niya at wala rin sa website ng Marimar at GMA) kay Bella. Ayan tuloy nabasted siya.

Tapos si Sergio, ayun at nag-iiinom na naman. Nagbasag pa ng bote sa may sementeryo. Mabuti na lang at hindi pa undas kung hindi, huli siya sa kasong paglabag sa liquor ban!

Naku, ano naman kaya ang mangyayari bukas sa…

Mah-rih-mar! Aw!

* * *

We all know that the soap operas we see today have almost the same formula as the ones we’ve seen since we were toddlers. Their presence just proves how much of an industry they have become and how lucrative they may be.

TV show producers and TV networks make big bucks out of them. Meanwhile, these shows trick us into spending our time in something less than worthy of our second.

But we indulge. And no matter what our reasons are for doing so, we often times catch ourselves staring at the boob tube longer than we intended. For one, we willingly hold our breaths to discover what happens next to our favorite characters. And two, the shows we watch are deliberately stretched to cover very expensive airtime that makes the people we see on TV and behind it richer by the second.

So how do they stretch what-could-have-been-a-30-minute-show into a one-hour-telenovela? Aside from letting the show run for years, here are some of TV geniuses’ prolonging-a-show tactics:

1. Provide a recap that would run from eight to ten minutes. We wouldn’t want those who missed yesterday’s episode get lost, do we?

2. Add as many love angles as possible. That’s how we complicate our plot. We know our audience can handle it: Ms. X being romantically linked to Mr. Y who dated Ms. A, the former girlfriend of Mr. M and now the wife of Ms. X’s dad who previously introduced the better man, Mr. T, to his daughter Ms. X who, by the way, once kissed Mr. M…

3. Resurrect the dead. Wait, our viewers aren’t done with character C yet. Let’s bring him back from the dead and let him wreak more havoc!

4. Provide one-minute flashbacks every now and then. Let’s give our audience the benefit of an automatic rewind button.

5. Let the actors stare at each other for more than 10 excruciating seconds. Pensive scenes can be a big break for our stars. Let’s leave them be for a while to allow them to show of their talents…(5 seconds) waiting for a show of talent…(another five seconds) still nothing…(five seconds more) Ok that’s enough!

6. Display one scene using five different cameras. We can’t decide which camera angles should go! The camera shots are too good to throw away. Let’s just use everything we captured!

7. Put the missing-real-parents twist. The show needs excitement! The show needs adventure! And it has to be “unpredictable” so that our viewers wouldn’t easily know that our hero’s real parents are…

8. While you’re at it, throw in twins or sisters that have their identities swapped since birth or during the course of the series. That’ll give our viewers more to talk about tomorrow. And it will most definitely sell (not buy) us more time.

9. Don’t forget the perennial gunpoint scene speech that will definitely keep the viewers glued to their seats. We can’t just let the villain shoot anyone without revealing his/her motives and other future plans. Come on, give him/her the moment for a soliloquy, anyway s/he’s holding the gun which somehow resembles a microphone.

10. And finally, deliver an episode in several servings of one-minute glimpses with ten minute-advertisements in between. Let’s hold our audiences to their necks while our other hand reaps ca-ching, ca-ching. Besides, people have to pee in between scenes, don’t they?

There-youh-goh! Aw!

May I beg Your Pardon?

“Excuse me, may I beg your pardon?”

That’s something I learned in grade one. Ms. Valdez, my homeroom adviser and English teacher who I felt did not particularly like me, taught us that polite way of asking someone to repeat what s/he just said.

According to her, it’s more courteous than blurting out, “What?”

* * *

Today President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo granted executive clemency to Former President Joseph Ejercito Estrada thereby restoring the convicted ex-president’s civil and political rights.

Wow, how compassionate of our president!

An absolute pardon.

Excuse me but I really have to say this, “What?!?”

* * *

Here’s the deal. We are raised in such a way that we are most likely inclined to do the right things. And so we get punished for every blunder we commit. Somehow we realize where we went wrong and how that harmed or could have harmed us or others. And if we keep an open mind, we learn our lesson and do better next time.

Erap, he screwed up. He screwed not himself, not his family, but the whole Filipino people. He did that at the ripe old age of 63. (Well at least that’s when he got caught.)

He was detained for 6 ½ years, not on some cold and cramped prison cell, but on a rather comfy camp. And I bet his food still tasted great. I don’t think that at that long a time, he was ever deprived of an aid—someone who’d clean his stuff, including his pants and underpants.

The whole time, Erap never pleaded guilty to plunder nor perjury. He never diplayed any sign of remorse for doing the country ill. And he keeps on wearing that dang wristband with the presidential logo.

Something tells me nobody learned anything.

If I had things my way, I’d say two people are in badly need of spanking: the one who got away without learning anything, and the one who’s trying to sneak out as if we wouldn’t notice what she’s doing.

Allowing Myself to be Tagged. Again.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night? 5 sila e: queenzykee, omichukiyono, octoberuplb, supremesapphire and badgerkistna

2. What were you doing at 0800? Trying to re-upload tons of our Bulacan pictures which I uploaded last night at my Multiply account which, for some reason, got lost somewhere in cyberspace.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Checking out the pictures I re-uploaded at 0800 which my friends uploaded at their sites. (can’t get enough of them!)

4. What happened to you in 2006? I became a jealous baby.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud? “I became a jealous baby.”

6. How many beverages did you have today? 2: water and iced tea.

7. What color is your hairbrush? Beige…basta wood sha. (and it’s not varnished)

8. What was the last thing you paid for? I can’t remember exactly what among these four: flowers for Nichi, today’s copy of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, a choco-wacko and a choco chip muffin from Dunkin’ Donuts, or the one-liter concentrated pack of iced tea powder.

9. Where were you last night? Before I got home, I was at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in Ortigas, prior to that I was in traffic-free NLEX, and earlier than that I was in Bulacan.

10. What color is your front door? Naninilaw na white. Jaundiced white (para shala-shalahan). Acheche!

11. Where do you keep your change? Pag sinisipag, sa coin purse. Kapag nagmamadali, sa pocket. Kapag tinatamad, kahit saan ko maisuksok sa bag ko.

12. What’s the weather like today? Aba e naulan!

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? I usually go for coffee crumble, pede din quezo real. Sometines I still crave for Cookies and Cream.

14. What excites you? Random amazing things, events and maybe even people. Swimming excites me din pala as well as weekend getaways with my berks.

15. Do you want to cut your hair? Most of the time, I get the urge to shave it. Baka lang matakot ang students ko kapag pumasok ako na kalbo.

16. Are you over the age of 25? Yes! Why?

17. Do you talk a lot? Pag feel ko, yes. But the weird thing about me is, whenever I start hearing my voice talking for quite a long while, nagsasawa ako sa tunog. That’s when I shut up.

18. Do you watch the O.C.? No. I saw part of one of its episodes. Najologs-an ako. Naisip ko, “ganito ba ka-jologs yung Dawson’s Creek?” (Nyak, do I sound old?) Wait, now I’m not sure if it was the O. C. or One Tree Hill I saw. May difference ba sila?

19. Do you know anyone named Steven? Tyler! Tatay ni Liv. Siya lang yata. Di pa kami close! American kasi yung "Steven" parang "Heather." Pinoy lang kasi ang crowd ko. Pero mayroon akong kakilalang "Heather."

20. Do you make up your own words? Yes. Minsan they invade my legitimate lexicon (yung mga natututunan sa dictionary) which sometimes brings the writer me into grammatical troubles.

21. Are you a jealous person? Ipinanganak yata akong ganoon. Baka it came with the middle-child package. But I’m doing my best to limit it the same way I am trying to regulate my OC-ness.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. Arjane

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. Krisleen, Kistna, Kate (marami akong friends na (may) K)

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Dad

25. What does the last text message you received say? "Korek. Idol ko nga yan db. Kaya lng naturn off ako. Suplado." (We were talking about Tado of the defunct show Strangebrew.)

26. Do you chew on your straw? No. Nakakapangit yon ng straw. Ayaw ko ng pangit!

27. Do you have curly hair? No. Pero balang araw papakulot ako. Siguro before I shave my hair off.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Sa banyo.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? “Rudest person in my life”? Such strong accusation naman! But lately, my, now, youngest brother IS rude. Shet, namana yata sa akin!

30. What was the last thing you ate? 3-day-old sinigang (naniniwala kaming hindi napapanis ang sinigang!), rice and fried liempo.

31. Will you get married in the future? I honestly have no idea.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? Hmmm…di siguro maganda yung mga napanood ko (lahat old movies) kasi I can’t remember them.

33. Is there anyone you like right now? Kaya yata hindi ako ma-ge-get married in the future kasi wala akong like.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes? Kanina lang, after ng 3-day-old sinigang and company.

35. Are you currently depressed? At this moment, no. Perhaps when I turn off the light, lie down and close my eyes, I’ll be depressed again. Kung tomador lang ako, magagaya na ako sa aking good friend na may bote ng gin na nakasiksik sa ilalim ng unan.

36. Did you cry today? Yes. Sa Ossuary ni Nichi.

37. Why did you answer and post this? So that I could get away with this post instead of a long essay. Tinatamad akong mag-isip and mag-type. But maybe after this mag-flow na ulit ang words. Who knows? At siyempre si Ging kasi ang nag-tag sa akin. (Naks!)

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey: luna, faith, kistna, char, and Nikka.

At 20 Pounds Over

Our annual physical exam just revealed that I am 20 lbs. overweight. Not that I didn’t expect it. I feel each of those pounds everyday. Well, at least the 10 units of them.

I think I have always been 10 lbs. overweight. Ever since I hit puberty, my metabolism has decided to slow itself down. That’s when I started collecting the extra pounds.

However still, during the peak of our preparations for our high school intramurals, when our cheering practice hours hit the inhumane level, I’d lose five to eight pounds, thus leaving me a little above my desirable body weight given my height, which some experts may say is forgivable/negligible.

It amazes me how I was born at around six pounds heavy then gained the extra 100++ lbs today. Must be due to all I’ve eaten, drank and munched in small quantities for 27 years. It helps that nowadays, going up and down the stairs is the only exercise I get.

It is not so easy to believe that at one point in my younger years, my mom told me, “Maawa ka naman sa katawan mo. Kumain ka.”

Oh how I remember that so well! I didn’t realize then that the day will come when I’ll be telling myself, “Maawa ka naman sa katawan mo. Tama ka na sa pagkain.”

The thing is, in my formative years, I’d say that’s from birth to the years prior to puberty, I was always thin. I never really had problems with people noticing my weight except for my mom, of course. But no one really nagged or teased me about being fat. So I wasn’t designed to be conscious of my weight.

And when I started getting fat, so to speak, I didn’t mind people telling me that I am bigger than I am supposed to be. I let them say their piece and that’s about it. Their opinion about my weight doesn’t damage me at all.

The only time I get bothered by the extra weight is when I start feeling them. When the bulges around my waist impede my breathing. When I have a hard time finding the clothes that fit me perfectly. When I get tired easily just by doing not-so-strenuous work. When I can’t swim one lap because I have to stop and catch my breath. When the clothes I usually wear suddenly “shrinks” and, unfortunately, my uniforms are not immune to “shrinking.” When I look in the mirror and wonder for a second if I’m pregnant. Yikes!

Perhaps the last one drove me to enroll myself one fateful day at a gym that disguises itself as a club. That and a bit of peer coaxing. Even I cannot believe I did that. As much as I would like to say that it was good while it lasted, it wasn’t.

A big chunk of it is because of me. I can barely find the will inside me to commit to a lifestyle that includes voluntarily exercising. I guess I didn’t have the motivation they were pointing out. The one which is supposed to get me started and get me into the habit which in turn was supposed to keep me going.

Let me clarify that I am not all that lazy. I do sports as long as I find it fun. Going to the gym, I mean club, wasn’t fun for me. I keep on wondering why the hell I am paying big bucks to be tortured by some machine. The only consolation I had was the cable TV but we have cable at home so it didn’t really matter. At the end of it all, I still would have rather jogged outside or rode a bike al fresco than in some enclosed room with strangers who are dealing with more than just weight problems of their own.

It was definitely money not well spent. I grieve for the dream camera that could have been mine if only…

But that’s life! We don’t really make good choices all the time right? At least I learned something. Like trying not to bite off something more than I can chew.

If only I’d do that faithfully, I guess I be saying goodbye to the extra weight. And then I wouldn’t feel crappy in my tight uniform.

Epitaph

I got a text message from my Dad that Nichi’s “tombstone” at the ossuary, where Nichi's ashes lie, now has his name inscripted on it. Unfortunately the silver letters we waited for for around three months were kind of anti-climactic because, as my Dad reported it, they misspelled Nichi’s name.

They skipped the “h.”

I checked it out tonight before going home; it really didn’t have the “h” on “Nichole.”

The text goes:

Joseph Nicole L. Delgado
“Nichi”
May 12, 1994 July 24, 2007

I wasn’t able to take a picture of it. It was pretty much dark at the ossuary. Still, there is something distressing about seeing your family’s name, especially that of your youngest brother, on a lot for the dead.

It kind of seals the deal. That he really is the one interred there. And reality bites as if it never does on a daily basis.

If I were to add an epitaph on Nichi’s new pad’s façade, I’ll write:

“Here lie the remains of the young man who made a lot of people happy."

Because that is reality. The non-biting realty.







****Late post: Here's Nichi's silver label:

Blog Action Day—Of Gods and Dung

This post is in unity with the Blog Action Day Movement!, millions of bloggers’ attempt to share their voice in one day, all for the sake of our environment.

Of Gods and Dung

“Our problem with filth scattered all over town is getting worse, Kapitan Tano.” Roy told the town’s head.

“I know that, son. That’s the reason why I have ordered our tanods to capture wandering animals especially at night. We cannot risk anyone getting sick because some uncivilized citizen forgot to chain his pet.”

These were Kapitan Tano’s strong words before the plague began hitting the town of Pembo. Everyday, there would be a new set of animal dung scattered around the town’s grounds. The unsanitary condition inevitably caused many of the townspeople to be sick, reaching a quota that resembles an outbreak.

“We have done everything, Kapitan Tano. Almost all of the animals which populate our place are detained in the capitol’s slaughter house; still our problem with filth remains unresolved.” Said one tanod.

“What would you say if tomorrow night, we all go on a crusade? We will not sleep until we find out what’s causing this.” Kapitan Tano replied.

“Anything for our family’s sake, Kapitan.” Retorted the tanods in unison.

Come the crusade night, Kapitan Tano and his men set out with a bolo in their right hand and a lighted torch in their left. Kapitan Tano himself divided his men to make sure that they get the place covered. Kapitan then hopped from one vicinity to another to check out for himself the goings on in their town after the sun has set and after majority the people have retired to their beds.

Aside from the few men he saw dumping their day’s accumulated rubbish to the riverside, he did not notice anything unusual. Although from afar he could hear reverberating sounds followed by a masked thump of a solid body hitting the ground.
“Illegal loggers,” one of Kapitan’s tanods whispered. “They usually come out at night to do their business. They think no one can hear them, but we do.”

Kapitan Tano couldn’t help but scratch his head. “When will they ever stop?" he thought.

While making their rounds, Kapitan Tano and some of his tanods reached the newly opened midnight bar located at the least remote area of his jurisdiction. Since he was tired, he decided to enter the establishment to get some refreshment.

Upon penetrating the blinking lights and deafening sound the place initially offers, he noticed that the place is packed. The people in there were very much alive, too. They were dancing, drinking, and performing private activities in the “publicness” of the place. It was an ultimate rave party in there. Everyone was happy as they engage their own form of orgy.

Kapitan Tano could not stand the aura of the sinful house. Without further ado, he left the place. He could not help but wonder how such establishment prospered in his town, in his jurisdiction. The next morning he ordered that the establishment be closed.

“Kapitan, that is not our concern right now. We have a problem with filth, remember? Why don’t we concentrate on it first?” reacted one of Kapitan Tano’s subjects.

“Don’t you want us to clean up our town? Isn’t shutting down a house of sin a way of cleansing our town? And while were at it, why don’t we prohibit our people from discarding their trash irresponsibly?” Kapitan Tano insisted. “Starting today, too, I myself will make sure that those illegal loggers who rape our forests will put a stop to their abuse.”

The tanods had no choice but to obey the kapitan’s instructions. They raided the establishment and had it closed. They also reprimanded those who treated nature as a one big dumpsite. On the other hand, those who hid in the dark while exploiting their forests were put behind bars. They did all these in one night.

The next morning, the filth was gone. The mysterious lumps of dung scattered around suddenly disappeared.

“We did it.” Kapitan Tano said. “We have cleansed our town. We have appeased the gods who are giving us back the filth our townspeople created by engaging in their evil ways. Our problem is now over.”

With that the town regained its former vitality as the plague subsided and the dung vanished.

We disrespect nature and we disrespect ourselves. Let’s put an end to this now. Otherwise nature may soon get back at us. When that time comes, we will all lose this dirty game we seem to love to play.

Sa Simoy ng Malamig na Hangin

Malamig na ang simoy ng hangin. Nangangahulugan lamang na paparating na ang Pasko.

Ngunit ang bawat ihip ng malamig na hangin na dati kong inaasam-asam, ngayon ay kurot sa nagluluksa kong puso. Masakit nitong pinapaalala sa akin na darating ang Pasko kahit na malungkot ako. Kahit na tumitigil ang mundo ko sa bawat alaala ng yumao kong kapatid.

Hindi ko alam kung papaano na nga ba ang gagawin ko pagsapit ng araw kung saan lahat ay nagsasaya. Lahat ay nagpapasalamat kung ano ang mayroon sila.

Natatakot ako na ngayong taon, ang bukod-tanging mananahan sa isip ko ay yaong wala sa akin. Ang kapatid ko. Siyang laging masayang nag-aabang ng Pasko. Siyang isa sa mga hinahandugan ko ng pinakaespesyal na regalong nakayanan ko.

Marahil ay tutulo na lamang ang mga luha, mas marami kaysa sa araw araw kong itinatangis. Siguro’y aatakihin ako ng sakit na araw araw kong sinusubukang ikubli para lang magmukhang normal at matatag.

Ngunit ang katotohanan, naglalakad ako, nagtatrabaho, nakikihalubilo sa kapwa ko at patuloy na namumuhay nang butas ang pagkatao. May kulang sa akin. Nailibing iyon kasama ng aking kapatid.

Madalas akong humingi ng tawad sa kanya dahil nagkakaganito ako gayong sinabi ko sa kanya bago siya pumanaw na wala siyang dapat alalahanin sakaling piliin niyang mamahinga. Hindi ko akalain na mahirap pala ang ipinangako ko sa kanya.

Maramot ako sa pamamahagi ng aking pagmamahal. Sadyang pili lamang ang mga tao kung kanino kaya kong ipadama ang pagmamahal ko nang walang pag-aalinlangan. Nakakalungkot dahil isa pa sa kanila ang kinailangang mawala.

Marahil nga may dahilan kung bakit dapat mangyari ito. Kung bakit dapat pumanaw ng kapatid ko. Kung bakit dapat kong danasin ang ganitong sakit. Maski sa gitna ng mga kirot na nadarama ko, kaya kong ibigay ang mga dahilang iyon. Lamang, hindi nito mapapawi ang kalungkutan ko na dala ng panghihinayang at pag-aasam na makapiling ko muli ang kapatid ko.

Ewan ko kung gaano katagal ako magtitiis at kung ilang beses ako dapat humingi ng tawad sa kalungkutan kong ito. Hindi ko talaga alam.

Sa ngayon kailangan ko lang talagang mabuhay sa katotohanang wala na siya at kahit ano pang iyak ang gawin ko ay hindi na siya muling babalik. Kailangan kong ikurap ang aking mga mata para mabura ang anumang larawan niya habang siya’y naghihirap, ang mga nakakabagabag na sulyap sa mga mas malala pang bagay na kanyang tiniis.

Ang alaala na lang ng kanyang mga ngiti ang magliligtas sa akin. Iyon ang magpapaalala sa akin na di na ako dapat malungkot. Hindi ko na dapat alalahanin pa kung ano ang dapat ko pang nagawa at kung ano ang mga naging pagkukulang ko. Hindi na iyon mahalaga ngayon.

Mahal na mahal ko ang kapatid ko bagaman may mga panahong di kami nagkakasundo o may pagkukulang ako. Alam ko naman na mahal din niya ako. Gaya nga ng sinabi niya sa akin noon, kung gaano ko man siya kamahal, ang pagmamahal niya sa akin, “lampas pa doon!”


At kung kakayanin ko, iisipin ko na lang na hindi kurot at pait ang dulot ng malamig na simoy ng hangin. Bagkus, iyon ang kanyang mga halik na dati na niyang, walang pag-aatubiling binibigay sa akin.