Wednesday, June 8, 2005

GMA Drama Special

GMA7 is celebrating its 55th year; I am celebrating my 25th birthday. Yes, I was born exactly 30 years after GMA was established. I still do not know if such coincidence means anything special but I still sometimes catch myself hoping that it does.

You see, I have convinced myself long ago that my dream job is at GMA. That is, being a part of a TV production at GMA. It kept me through college. Having that goal gave me something to look forward to. It drove me into trying to excel in school for as much as I can. You know what they often say, if you have impressive grades chances are you’ll land on a great job. For that, I can claim that GMA has turned me into a bit of a good student.

My GMA dream is like believing in life after death. If you have no notion of life after death, just imagine how lost you’d turn out. You’d give in to your instincts, to your id all the time. Never mind if you hurt anyone. Never mind if you did something bad. For as long as you’re satisfied, you can do whatever you want. There wouldn’t be any bigger picture for you except of course the “now.”

Believing in life after death gives you a reason to set goals. It gives you direction.

GMA was my bigger picture. It sort of gave me direction.

But now that I’m trudging along my path, with GMA almost—but not quite—within my reach, things seem to have changed. GMA is no longer a dream. It has transformed itself from being a metaphor to being a simile. My goal is no longer GMA; my goal is something as big as GMA. Success is no longer GMA; success is similar to GMA’s.

A few days ago I was ready to let go of my GMA dream. I was not giving up. I was simply moving on. I’ve seen the light. And I know that I can’t remain fixated to a single dream forever.

Then my phone rings. GMA is within reach after all. Somebody must have thought that only when I cease hoping will it be the perfect time to give the chance to turn my fantasy into reality.

Now I’m lost. Once your bigger picture is placed in your palm, only a void will be left guiding you.

Life is complicated. It can never be simplified.

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