Friday, March 21, 2008

The Relief From Constipation

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on my blog. And the last one was a quite disturbing tale. I have my excuses for being unfaithful to “my sacred corner of the world,” as an officemate would put it. One would be: I’ve been busy whipping up the cutest and close to perfect invitation for my niece’s baptism. I hardly found time to do my personal laundry, let alone blog. The other one would be: on my silent moments, I’ve been feeling shitty, not against anyone but mostly towards myself.

I figured long ago, it’s always best to shut up when anger clouds your thoughts, prompting you to say or write profanities or anything resembling profanities. It’s best to shut up so that no irrevocable damages could be done just because your emotions are too strong you just had to drop destructive words.

Anger clearly is not the best relief to constipation.

As to my previous post, I turned my depression into a tale. I said that I’ve been feeling shitty lately. I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions; I honestly am considering seeing a doctor about it. Everyone feels sad from time to time but not everyone can get as depressed as I am. It worries me. (You should understand how hard it is for me to admit that there is a chance that I may be crazy. Seriously crazy.) And since I really can’t commit to suicide or any form of self mutilation to relieve me of all my shits, I created a character who can jump off a cliff without hestations, unlike me.

You see, not all writers have to be 100% sane, right?

Someone once asked me why I wanted to become a writer. I answered, “so that when I lose my voice, I’d have my written words to turn to.”

I lost my voice for a while. It’s a self-imposed constipation really. I didn’t have the time to relieve myself of my thoughts. I didn’t bother to find time to do it. Anyway, it was for the best. To save the world of my drama.

The earth doesn’t have to feel shitty simply because I do, right?

Achilles had his tent where he retreats to from time to time. I have my blog which will always accommodate my written voice no matter if it’s at 6 in the morning.

It’s unfair turning to a blog instead of a friend or family during tough times but what is fair really? Where I am right now, fair is nonexistent.

Believe me.

The last time we went out to refresh our groceries a promo girl handed me her free merchandise. I thanked her and I was actually psyched for receiving something without having to pay. When I looked at it, it was Dolculax, “the number 1 laxative in the Philippines.” It says it’ll give me relief from constipation. I’m staring at the flyer and the pill right now and I’m writing this. I guess I’m relieved.

But wait, I the labels says I have to swallow it for it to work.

Oh well…

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