Monday, March 14, 2011

I dreamed of Nichi

Last night, Nichi visited me. In my dream.

So here's how it went...

Nichi was 13 (or 12). He and Kuya Mic are going swimming. But Nichi is in one corner of the pool, teaching younger kids how to swim.

Next scene, I was talking to Nichi. He told me, "Ate, lagi na lang ako nanginginig."

Once again, I worried for my brother. It was the same feeling I had when I learned how sick he was. The same wave of panic when I learned that he's lost half of his eyesight. The same sick-in-the-gut feeling when I discovered that he will no longer get well.

For a moment I asked, "how much more does my brother have to endure given his leukemia?"

And then I woke up. And I knew the battle is over. It's been over.

Nichi is at peace now.

No more worries, Ate Tye.

* * *

My mom said maybe Nichi is telling us he's fine. And the times when he is "nanginginig" are moments when we think so much of him, keeping him restless up there.

And then I thought, maybe, he is guiding young angels in heaven.


* * *

Yes, lately I've been thinking a lot about Nichi. Maybe I miss him. A lot.

He's changed me, you see. A lot, too.

I appreciate life now. I count the blessings that come. And everyday, I teach myself to let go of things I cannot control and just be happy with the now. After all, that's all we have.

That's all we can ever have.


Kate said...

ganda, Tye :) I'm sure Nichi is happy in heaven watching over all of you!

Faith said...

I left a comment for you in my blog.

Weird enough that I read this post now and that's because I've been thinking about you and Nichi and how his journey has been.

There's an ongoing battle here in the Bay Area about McDo and why some Americans want to close it down. And McDo has a special place in my heart because it reminds me of Nichi. Yung times when you had to take him to the hospital and he would only go if you treat him to a Happy Meal. I was meaning to write a blog post about it, but it's finals week sa school so naka-back burner. HeHe!

It seems malakas pa rin ang connection natin with him, and I know he misses you too. but as you've said, nag-eenjoy na yun kalaro ang mga angels. Probably even teaching them how computer animation works!

I hope you and your family are doing okay. Nandito lang me bagkus on the other side of the world, if ever you need someone to talk to.

Kumusta mo din ako kina Tito Willy. Hopefully, I get to go home soon. I miss everyone there, and I miss the resilience and smiles of the Filipino people.