too early for a burn out?

let's just say i'm off the top of the wheel. and i'm sort of down in the dumps.

it is hard to miss someof the things i used to take for granted. like freedom. time. relaxation. extra cash. a quick ride home. early off from work. a chance to hang out with my friends. the opportunity to be with my family. to watch movies. to laugh. to discuss whatnots. the ability to stay awake at home. and not lay like a wilting vegetable. to live. a life that's mostly mine.

it's the price i pay for chasing after my darn dream.

not that i'm complaining.

i'm just saying what is.

i was so tired, all i could do was cry...

my fats don't make me super woman, you know?

that's how the extra weight can be deceiving. it masks the frailty of someone like me. even if i weigh extra heavier than i should be, that doesn't mean i have the endurance of huge animals like elephants or pigs or dinausaurs.

last saturday, i must have pushed myself to the limit, working from 9:30 AM, friday to around 2:30 PM saturday. i had roughly 30 minutes of lousy sleep in between. by 3 pm, my head was throbbing so hard, a vein would have snapped off if i were prone to aneurism. thank god i'm not.

on my way home, i could barely open my eyes inside the taxi. the driver was a blessing, though. he brought me home without taking advantage of my half-unconscious state. i was more than glad to give him a bigger than usual tip.

once i stepped inside our house, i claimed the sofa to park my half-dead body. and in the sanctuary that is home, in the comfort of the sofa and a few of our pillows, i started to cry. my mom asked why and i said i was just soo tired.

i managed to share some of my day's high even if my eyes were closed. and then i dozed off. i was up at around 10 pm and took my second meal for the day. the first meal was an ensaymada and mango juice from my (very caring) officemate, jamie (to whom i owe a lot). the headache was still there so i took whatever pain reliever i found. even if am not much into taking meds.

im not feeling too good until now. but the thing is, i wish i weren't this weak. because for all it's worth, i wanted to be super woman for this job. i really do.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Now I realize that billboards do work their magic on potential moviegoers, thus explaining the sudden impulse to watch X-Men Origins: Wolverine with my brothers without thinking if it were a good idea or not.

It was NOT a bad idea. After all, what better way to spend time with my brothers than to see the movie that would show us where Wolverine, a house favorite (hero), came from. We literally took a detour to the mall instead of heading home.

So there we were, a few minutes later, sitting in a shared silence of marveled anticipation with the next X-Men adventure we were about to embark on. Little did we know that we were bound to have one disappointment after another.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine does not offer the same excitement and unforgettable scenes the other X-Men movies did. It promised a whole lot of mutants to see but I'm afraid the mutant characters dragged into the movie were underdeveloped, that the filmmakers could have randomly chosen any mutant and it would not have affected the plot.

OK so we see the young Scott Summers and his early display of leadership and "special connection" to Professor X. But The movie does not tell us why Stryker chose the young Cyclops for his "project." Why he was a vital ingredient to project 11. Why he had to be there other than to establish how he and Professor X meet. Cyclops' presence seemed contrived. He had to be in the movie because there can't be no X-Men when there's no Cyclops or Wolverine or Professor X.

Gambit, on the other hand, needed more substance other than being Wolverine's ride to the island where Stryker does his sinister experiments. Despite the absence of his French accent, he was charming. Too bad, the movie makers did not exploit that fact. They should have. After all, we had to wait for a fourth X-Men movie to finally see Gambit in the flesh.

The other mutants Wolverine and his brother Victor--who will eventually be called Sabertooth, Wolverine's very own nemesis--worked with in their pseudo gang were there a few minutes then they were gone. It was so easy to miss their names. The movie failed to establish why exactly they were rounded up by Stryker and what broke the gang after Logan left. I assume that most of them got infected by Logan's conscience. But I may be wrong.

X-Men Origins:Wolverine may have a stiffer take on the story of the famous mutants we all love. Perhaps we can say that the movie is more "mature" than the past X-men movies but I don't think that it should be an excuse for how boring the movie turned out to be.

There was nothing new in the movie, not even the humor. I don't think I would be quoting a funny line from it ever. The romance, deception and sibling rivalry were equally trite. We've all seen them before. Even the setting will make us yawn. The Canadian Rockies, although picturesque, appeared to be boring. Logan must have loved the beautiful Kayla THAT much to agree to live in such a lackluster place.

The transformation of Wolverine from an ordinary mutant to an indestructible one was anti-climactic. There were more pain and drama in the flashes we saw in X-Men 1 and 2. And the new metallic claw/blades that came out of Wolverine's hands which he examined inside the nice old couple's bathroom which he accidentally totaled didn't look intimidating in the adamantium-sort-of-way. They looked like a fat bunch of plastic sticking out of his hands. It's hard to believe that they were indestructible.

I'd say Hugh Jackman IS the movie's selling point. He is the reason one will go see this film. Other than that, it is better to say pass to this poorly thought film. Of course there are fight scenes which aim to resuscitate this movie but we've also seen them before--way back to The Matrix. If you want action, there are better movies.

Despite everything, the bad idea about watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine is watching it at SM Megamall. We didn't get the free sticker they promised. They say they ran out of stickers although they still announce it in the papers that they are giving away stickers. They didn't give us raffle tickets. We had to inquire what the drop box was all about to get the raffle tickets any X-Men Origins:Wolverine moviegoer is entitled to. But the part that pissed me off which made me decide that I HAD to talk to the theater manager is the rude theater staff who seemed to be bothered that we were not leaving our seats while the credits were rolling. One guy went overboard and told my brother, "Sir, isang screening lang po tayo." I had to gesture that, "yeah we know." The cleaners stood in front of us as if they were not getting in the way of us reading the names of the people who made the movie possible. And the thing is, at the end of the movie credits, there still is a scene which those who left the theater early missed. We would have missed it, too if we allowed the pesky theater cleaners drive us away. Tsk. Tsk.

Allow me to retract my "Bow"

Namimiss kong mag-blog...as in.

yung sinusulat ko lang ang naiisip ko at magugulat at mapaparaning na lang ako kasi nababasa na yun ng mga tao-kakilala man o hindi. yung ganoon.

gaya kanina, salamat sa labor day nakauwi ako ng may araw pa. at dahil bukas pa ang mall, nakisilip ako sa mega-sale. i was out hunting for that cute and comfy pair of shoes na susunod kong aabusuhin. parte sana ng much-needed retail therapy ko kasi ...naman... ngayon alam ko na ang ibig sabihin ng stress sa trabaho. so i was ALMOST prepared to squander a generous amount of my hard-earned money sa bagong sapatos. para matuwa ang imelda in me. at para naman hindi mukhang kawawa ang chaka kong paa kapag natabi na sa mga celebrity feet. (mukha akong kawawa dahil kahit suot ko pa ang pasalubong ni ate na ipanema sandals, mukha pa ring paa ng magsasaka ang paa ko. im afraid im not doing justice to that rhinestone attached to what-could-have-been my glamorosang sinelas)

at ayun na nga, na in-love ako sa isang pair ng nike shoes. 20% off. ang problema Php2700+ pa rin siya. naalala ko na marami ang nagugutom. 2k+ is too much for a pair of shoes lalo pa kung kasama ako sa mga nagugutom! haha.

naisip ko bigla...kung may manliligaw sa akin (hehe...naiisip ko to!) dapat ipunin niya ang pambibili niya ng bulalak para sapatos na lang ang ibigay niya sa akin. baka sakaling sagutin ko pa sya. ehehe.

sabi sa opis ko bakit daw wala pa akong boypren. sasabunutan nga raw ako nung isa kong opismate kung matapos ang taon at wala pa rin akong syota. naisip ko papakalbo na lang ako para di niya ako masabunutan.

sa happy hour namin nung tuesday na not entirely happy for me kasi inextract ako sa aking "cursed" editing (di kasi matapos-tapos) para lang pala sa isang inuman e hindi nga ako umiinom--mapa-gatas man o beer, napilitan akong tumoma ng sanmiglite (kunwari one word siya). hindi ko naman first time in fairness. free-flowing ang beer sa bar ng berk ko noong bday niya. di ko lang talaga type ang lasa ng beer. kaso ayun, boss ko na ang nagsabi inuman muna bago trabaho--who am i to say no? robot na ako ibig sabihin.

birthday din kasi ni sir maru. di kami close pero pinainom niya ako. at may picture na kami together na nag-si-circulate na siguro ngayon somewhere sa internet. yun yata ang ibig sabihin ng "pakikisama".

di ko magets kung bakit trip na trip ng mga umiinom na turuang uminom ang mga hindi umiinom. para ba yung religion na "yes, one point ako ke lord kasi me na-recuit ako" epek. ewan. di ko rin kasi mahanapan ng benefits ang pag-inom. bukod sa di ko type ang lasa, ayaw ko malasing. either baka magkalat ako (as in magsuka) or ma-depress--hindi ako dapat nadedeperess.

so ito. humihirit ako ng blog kasi nakakamiss. saka wala lang. marami pa rin akong naiisip kahit tahimik ako. kahit tumigil akong mag-blog. dahil tinopak ako one day. dahil wala na akong oras mag-blog ngayon except tonight.

therefore puyat na naman ako. so good luck bukas. hindi na labor day kaya kakayod na naman si "curacha." para di magutom. at para may pambili ng sapatos. sa sale.

Take a Bow

So this is it. The last day of the year 2008. The day I've set to take my pre-announced bow. My pseudo retirement at blogging.

Which may well be just a dramatic vacation.

While I pursue a more tangible medium of writing.

Yes, contrary to how desperate or depressed I may have sounded when I posted that thing about me quitting this blog, I was thinking of something bigger. Because I really am not the type who'd accept defeat sitting down. The cosmos may work against me and my dreams but I have only one life to live to prove that I am better than how chance thinks of me.

So, yes, you won't probably hear from me for a while especially now that I am determined to complete my "project"--whatever that is.

Now come my thanks. For everyone who's taken the time to read my musings and rants. For those who supported my causes and "crusades," and efforts to hopefully help make this world a better place. For those who bought my humor, no matter how crooked it sometimes went. For those who left comments and shout-outs. For those who, consciously or unconsciously, made me think that I make sense and that my thoughts are worth-hearing (or reading). Thank you.

Now I know it won't be easy--keeping my thoughts to myself starting tomorrow until the day I decide to return. But as I've said, it is all for something bigger. I only wish I'd be able to do things right just so I can be back soon.

So there. My blogging hiatus starts when the new year begins.

For now, I am taking my bow.

Distributing YOUR gifts to some of the brave kids of PCMC was an honor!

I know that a couple of pictures below will make it look like I were running for public office, if not for saint-hood, so I strongly suggest that you don't mind the blue blob with a ponytail and a black sling bag otherwise known as me. Because, really, I am just many GOOD PEOPLE's representative.

Now here's the deal, it may seem like I and the rest of my family who are not in the pictures were the ones who were making the children happy. But I will personally say that the truth goes otherwise. These children to whom I handed YOUR gifts, THEY were the ones who made us happy, who made me happy.

I wish to thank all of you who supported this year's "efforts" to give gifts to the brave kids of PCMC: My berks and their officemates and families and friends, the people whom I used to work with at Hallmark and some of their relatives, my brother's officemates in Accenture, one of my high school classmate, our family friend and one of Nichi's ninang, Doc Luis and Ms. Gracia of OMF Lit., and Ms. Mackis of Purefoods. As I've said, it was an honor representing all of you and handing out YOUR gifts to these children.

Our initial goal was to give away 150 books to 150 children but with your generosity, we were able to give more. Two Activity books from Purefoods Chicken Nuggets (believe me they were nice, with colorful pages, stickers and all), a third activity book (Hunchback of Notre Dame), a box of crayons, a pencil and sharpener also made it to the kid's gift bags. Plus, we were able to donate one set of the Tito Dok series of Children's book to the PCMC Hematology and Oncology OPD to hopefully start their mini library for the kids.

Thank you! The smiling kids you see in the pictures said "thank you po," too.

Aside from giving gifts to the children at the OPD, we were also able to hand out presents to some of the kids at the ward especially since we were escorted by Dr. Fernandez who, by the way, would also like to extend her "thank you." (Forgive the scarcity of pictures. We had to honor the privacy of most of the patients.)

We had a brief chat with Dr. Fernandez. And although she was very grateful for the good souls who remembered her patients this Christmas, she wished to say that the PCMC Hema and Onco OPD is always open for those who are interested in helping any time of the year. Simple things like cotton balls, alcohol, syringes, needles, bandages, vitamins, etc. will be of great help to their patients. She also encouraged us to invite people to donate blood at their blood bank so that the families who can hardly afford their child's treatment will have one less thing to worry about in the event that their child will be needing transfusion. Plus she shared to us how she hoped that a teacher will come to the OPD on a regular basis to teach basic lessons like the ABC, to read stories and to conduct art workshops for the kids who find themselves somehow stuck at the hospital instead of a school.

If you are interested to address their needs, you can leave me a message so that I can lead you to them or you can personally go to the Philippine Children's Medical Center's Hematology and Oncology Out-Patient Department and approach whoever is the doctor in-charge for the day.

Again, maraming salamat po sa lahat ng tumulong para mabuo ang mga regalong naipamahagi namin noong Dec.23. Maraming bata po ang inyong napasaya. (Isama na po doon kami ng aking pamilya.) Salamat! Salamat!

All the gifts. Thanks to everyone whose donations made it possible for us to come up with these much gifts.

Purefoods Chicken Nuggets Activity books + a third one. Thank you, Ms. Mackis Tuazon, for these; Ms. Maricel Gaskell, for leading me to Ms. Mackis Tuazon; and Sara for "introducing" me to your aunt, Ms. Maricel.

All 164 OMF Lit. Books. Thank you, Dr. Luis Gatmaitan (Tito Dok), for helping us get a big discount for the books and for referring us to Ms. Gracia Lopez. Thank you also to, Ms Gracia, for graciously accommodating us from beginning to end.

All these for a brave kid. Each gift bag contained a Tito Dok Storybook, 2 Purefoods Chicken Nuggets activity books, a third activity book, a box of crayons, a pencil and a sharpener.

Gift distribution at the OPD

"Thank you, Po!"

***If I may add: Thank you also to those who helped us during the Project: Brave Kids Party last December 19 and became instant volunteer face painters and balloon distributors: Mark, Tonette, Krisleen, Ming, Rovel, Jeff, Arjane, Ronaldo, and Joy.

The Books are Here!

They arrived this afternoon, 150 books from the Tito Dok collection plus one complete set (14 books) that's supposed to start a mini Library for the kids at the PCMC Hematology and Oncology OPD. Yey!

The Package:




The Christmas Stack:




The Books:



I got busy preparing the gift bags. (I'm done with 100 bags! Ang bilis ko na compared last year. Haha. Expert?!) I failed to take pictures of the 150 Hunchback of Notre Dame activity books, and the 300 Purefoods Chicken Nuggets Activity books donated by , well, Purefoods.

I promise to take pictures of them tomorrow :-)