Of Debts and Depths

The one thing I learned from those who came before me
Is to avoid debts as debts can be
A force powerful enough to suck you to its complications
such that the depths of the debt can hurt
the most innocent bone, neuron and even flesh.

I wish to stay away
for if lessons are not learned,
at least by someone like me,
what good will the troubles be
of those who came before me?

But now I see myself
in the depths of the debt I tried to stay away from
as if it were haunting me...
It's a viscous cycle, you see?

I only wish I could break free.
I only wish I could break free.

Half-Naked Man Lay Half-Dead in Xavierville. So what.

The man was naked from the waist up. Thank god for the clothing from the waist down! He rested along the gutter, his legs clutched his bicycle. Well, I suppose it was his bike. He barely moved--or should I say he did not move. For a minute I thought he was dead.

I wonder if anyone else saw him other than me. Because nobody made a fuss out of the sight of a man lying almost lifeless along Xavierville Avenue at around 9 p.m.

I asked the lady nearby, "ate, wala bang tanod o pulis dito? ...kasi, o, baka dead na siya (pointing to the man)".

My expression of concern ended there.

A disturbing thought. You can drop dead along this avenue and no one would care. Yay!

Two Moms, One Morning

Last week, the Philippines mourned the loss of one of its most loved mothers. An icon, a revered proponent of democracy. Former President Cory Aquino.

The morning after her death, the view outside, from room 1116, where I spent midnight onwards showed me this...



But inside the said room and in the midst of the fuss about Tita Cory's passing, I was having my share of what I would call "mom scare." Unlike the Aquino's I am not ready to lose my mom just yet. Well, I am not ready to lose anyone again for that matter.



I wish I could command the universe when I say that mommy's gonna be fine. I wish. After all, I love my mom. And she need not be sick for me to realize it.

Ano ang Masasabi ko sa "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince?

It showed me a lot and yet it told me nothing.

battik baffled!

Paano Kung Ikaw si Pacman

Sabi nga ng ka-opisina ko sa pinost niyang picture with Manny Pacquiao sa kanyang Facebook account, "Manny makes the world go round."

Partly true nga siya kasi kung iisipin, yung entourage ni Manny ay maituturing na mini-world na especially umiikot sa kanya. Ikaw na ang maging multi-millionaire in dollar proportions! Tapos maski foreign personalities ay nagkakandarapa magpapicture with you at makipag-shake hands. Bongga ang buhay!

Naisip ko tuloy, paano kung maging kasing "laki" ako ni Manny? Mag-iispecial order din ba ako ng seedless grapes, tuna at Vit Water? O tuloy lang ako sa patae-tae lifestyle na kinagisnan ko. Iikot din ba ang mundo sa akin?

Parang ang hirap imagine-in...

There's Something About 30

The first company that hired me, spent its 30th anniversary a few months after I became part of its "family". Incidentally, the company that hired me recently is also celebrating its 30th year. I'm starting to think, there's something about thirty...and me.

I seem to enter these companies in the middle of their anniversary cacophony. But I don't mind. What better way to enter their worlds, right?

Besides, next year I'll be be thirty. Who knows what "something" awaits!

Confessions of a Financial Loser

There is nothing to confess really. Except that, I am a financial loser.

Both my siblings who are working earn extremely more than I do. All of my friends undoubtedly take home more cash than I do. And I have a feeling that all people who are my age and who have similar educational background as mine earn at least twice than I do.

As I've said I am a financial loser.

My savings is zilch. Other than a few peso bills I keep for luck (they include a lot of ten peso bills and a 500-peso bill with "flowers" beside their serial number, plus a hundred-peso bill with the UP centennial logo), I have nothing.

What I do have are debts. That thing my sister paid for me a year ago which I haven't paid back until now and that other plane ticket I am four months away from paying in full.

I do have credit cards with big credit limits. (I have a feeling these credit card companies are conspiring to get me into trouble.) I could go on an extravagant shopping spree with my plastic money! But what will be the point of a series of carefree swipes if my world crumbles at the sight of my credit card statement, right? So I refuse to indulge.

I don't know where my money goes every month. My hard-earned cash, gone without a trace. I'm quite sure it doesn't go to the so-called "social life" because as far as my schedule is concerned, I don't have the luxury of a social life. I am alarmingly behind with my "responsibilities" at home, too. I plea "guilty" to that. I should be crucified.

My brother said I should have a personal accountant who would attend to my "assets." But hiring one would most likely take away what-could-have-been-my-unaccounted-for-assets. Not good at all.

Sometimes, I think, I work for cab drivers. I rack my brain and strain my muscles (mostly my carpal muscles) for more than nine hours a day just so I would have something to pay cab drivers in exchange of the comfort of their cabs and the quick trips they provide. (I have learned to accept that in order for me to have extra time in my hands, I have to "buy" time. Sad thing is, it ain't cheap!)

I have no material investment, except for the low-class tripod I bought some years ago which I hardly use because the camera I consider mine decided to consistently malfunction. I rely on hand-me-downs, from the first cellphone I had, down to the one I am using now, they were all given to me. I could not very well afford one. What more that thing which has morphed into a need than a want for a struggling writer such as myself?

I cannot buy anything anymore. I am a financial loser. It's pathetic.

I sometimes feel that a lucky bet at the lottery is the only key to my "salvation".

Unless I win, I am a loser.