The New Apple of My Eye (na hindi apple!)

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Sabi nila, libre naman ang mangarap.
...yun lang nga, hindi libre ang bilhin ang pinapangarap.

Kawawang dukha. Naglalaway na naman!

Holy Week Special

Holy Week ends tomorrow as we Christians once again celebrate Jesus Christ’s rising from the dead. Americans call it “Easter” and celebrate the day with egg hunts, bunny mascots and jelly beans. I really don’t know how those three are related to the true essence of the occasion. I just know that they’re there because, as part of my job in a greeting card company, I get to be flooded by boxes of Hallmark Easter Cards coming from the US. All three elements are almost always present on those greeting cards. Sometimes, there’ll be a crucifix design, too.

Easter also means the end of a long weekend for all of us, a long weekend that is originally intended for praying and contemplating one’s Christianity. But for people who spend the year doing loads of things, the Lenten season tends to become a legal right to go on a vacation.

Being used to a fast-paced life, we cannot do nothing for the free time we are entitled to just by inhabiting a predominantly Christian country. Nor shall we spend it re-witnessing Charlton Heston part the Red Sea for the Nth time. That’s when having too much time in one’s hands becomes a challenge.

Last Friday, I was planning on ironing as much clothes as I could to make my time productive. Mommy discouraged me though. She said it is not right to do heavy work on lent, especially not on a Good Friday. She added that I should reflect instead.

Little does she know that I reflect all the time, so much that it’s all I seem to do. Besides, since I hate ironing and any other household chore for that matter, I would have done penance just by deciding to make the most of my time. Then again, my mom’s suggestion to put off ironing is so hard to resist, I ended up cleaning our refrigerator instead. If only I could regain the will to iron before the weekend ends.

* * *

As a religious practice, the holy week is the time for fasting and abstaining from food or sex or whatever people overindulge themselves with these days. But since I am not all that religious, I hoarded and indulged—hoarded DVDs to watch, and food to stuff me and my brothers with; indulged in DVD marathons and in eating the non healthy kind of food to provide me and my brothers something to keep us preoccupied with. If doing both is a sin then boy am I another step closer to hell! And I would have dragged my brothers with me. Nyay!

Of course, I can choose to discuss what we have been watching and what I have been learning to justify that my hoarding and indulging somehow made me a better person. Allow me, then, to absolve myself from my somewhat sins.

Last year, it was Steven Spielberg’s Taken that took my Lenten time. This year, it is the first 18 episodes of the first season of Tim Kring’s Heroes and the first six episodes of the third season of J. J. Abrams’ Lost. In all three TV series, it is apparent how time is of the essence for every character—how one’s past brings him to where he is when we meet him, how he deals with his present, and how he may do in his future.

Somehow reality goes that way, too. The things we’ve done in the past make us who we are in the present. But it is how we react in the now that defines us in the future. And in that trip from the past to the present and to the future, it really is OK to make a mistake. Sure it will cause a dent to the present you but you always have the present to react to your life thereby giving you the opportunity to make a better future.

I sound like a copy for a bank or an insurance company ad but, heck, that’s what I’ve arrived with this holy week. The way I see it now, I guess in life, we just have to do what we think we have to do. We commit some blunders along the way. We certainly cannot erase them but we make up for them. That’s how we become better persons. That’s how we make our stories. Maybe not as perfect as Jesus Christ’s story but a story worth-telling nonetheless.

Now with the eating part, I plead guilty for gluttony. In a way I am getting what I deserve for biting more than I can munch. If this intermittent gushes of stomach pain which I’ve been having since last night will neutralize my not fasting or abstaining, then well and good.

* * *

I first thought I could end this entry like that but I feel that I should try to say something which must be relatively enlightening just because I am calling this piece “Holy Week Special”. No more confusing clichés for my conclusion.

From a non-religious point of view, I’d say that given ample time to ponder what we have been doing in our lives, I guess we should try to think about improving ourselves, not just to make us ourselves progress but also so that we can give back to the people around us.

Let me end by sharing this: A kid who’s at one of the early crossroads of his life has persistently invited me to go visit his blog. When I finally read what he has to say, I chanced upon an entry where he tells his readers that he’ll be gone for a while to try to do some things. He then names a few and probably for dramatic effect ends his list with “dying.” In the hopes of pulling him out of his drama, I left him a comment and part of it goes, “As long as you’re alive, you have no right to die.”

Maybe that’s something I’ve learned by just by living—something that may help me improve and something I can share to help others be better, too.

I end here.

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May

“Kamukha mo talaga yung pinsan mong si Goryo. Sya yata ang pinaka gwapong anak ng Ninang Cristy mo!”

I’m not quite sure if this statement my mudra kept on repeating since last night was meant to compliment me or insult me. I’ve got to hand it her. She really has a way about her that offends me even if I’d rather believe that she means well.

Perhaps me being as handsome as cousin Goryo whom I have never seen in my whole hippocampus-developed life explains why I haven’t gotten myself a boyfriend. Correct me if I’m wrong but I believe that men, boyfriend materials to be exact, want a lady who’s beautiful or pretty, not handsome. Except, of course, if they are effeminate or, umm, ah, gay.

Before I go on, allow me to establish a backgrounder for this topic that I am once again exploiting for the sheer humor it provides. It is summed up by the recent question-and-answer portion with my officemate, Chris.

Chris: Wala kang boyfriend ngayon?
Me: Kahit noon, wala.

It’s that simple, really.

Incidentally, my lola/auntie who was an old maid died last Sunday, a week after her 85th birthday. Auntie Lydia, as we call her, is my dad’s dad’s sister. She left her younger and equally old maid sister, Auntie Belinda, behind, making Auntie Belinda the sole living Delgado in my granddad’s immediate family.

If there’s one thing both aunties impose, it will have to be how they both do not recommend being a spinster. They were lucky to have each other to look after each other, but, I guess, there were moments when they still felt lonely and regret not marrying.

Oddly enough, I have memorized a poem by Robert Herrick which speaks of the words of wisdom Auntie Lydia and Auntie Belinda has passed on to me. Knowing the poem verbatim is weird because I am not big on poems and I was never famous for a brain that could memorize paragraphs or stanzas. Nonetheless I am typing it today the way I remember it. Don’t expect me, however, to recall its title for, as it turns out, the glitch in memory did not permit me to retain its title.

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may
Old time is still a-flying
And the same flowers that smile today,
Tomorrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun
The higher he’s a-getting
The sooner his race be run
The nearer he is to setting.

The age is best which is the first
When youth and blood are warmer
But having spent the worse and worst,
Old time precedes the former.

So be not coy and use your time
And while ye may go marry
For having but once lost your prime,
You might forever tarry.

There. Ain’t that funny?

Going back, women in our family either marry early or marry late. Obviously I didn’t get hitched in my teenage years so chances are I may do the “I do” later in life, granting that I realize that I am meant to say those words. Otherwise I will forever tarry as said in Robert Herrick’s poem.

Honestly, I am not afraid to be a wrinkled single woman no matter how lonely they say it can be. What scares me more is getting old without living my life to its maximum. You know, being haunted by dreams I failed to fulfill. That I fear.

Lately, I’ve been mentally listing things I want to do at least before I turn thirty. So far, they all have something to do with career. I haven’t included anything about love or loving. Unlike most women, I’ve never plotted a timeline that involves my theoretical love life. Nor have I planned anything to do about it if it stays theoretical for an annoyingly long time. Perhaps I am too much of a ninny to realize that a relationship is as important as popular belief says it is. Or then again I may be your typical hopeless romantic who believes that if love is meant to be, it will be—planned or not.

Alien Abduction of Some Kind

I woke up exactly one minute before 7:45 AM. My work starts at 7:45. I went through my morning routine as fast as I could. Good thing I live relatively near my office. By the time I dragged my ass to my workplace, I was just 48 minutes late. Just 48 minutes?! Not at all good.

I used to say that it’s better to be absent than to be late. There seems to be more dignity in being absent than in being late, at least in my plane. But I am trying to be the committed person that I ought to be. So I swallowed what is left of my pride and showed up despite my tardiness and all. I promised to do that, you know? Show up.

But as my morning sank in, I realized how odd that my phone wasn’t set whereas its alarm has been programmed to give me a wake up call at 6 AM from Monday to Friday. I don’t really know what happened there. And even if my alarm with its snooze feature wasn’t powerful enough to stir my sleepy head, the bell icon on my phone shouldn’t have disappeared without me deactivating it.

As I pondered on that mini mystery, I started to ask what I did last night. What happened to me? I updated my blog, checked my mail, and emailed some people. Then what? I remember shutting down the PC properly before hopping to bed but when I got up, I noticed my AVR wasn’t turned off. I honestly don’t remember anything after assuming a reclining position yesterday. Hmmm…weird.

Later this day, I had flashbacks of the dream I had last night. I reckon that I was in a hospital then a tube was shoved down my throat which seemed to pass through a hole in my chest. I was walking around with a tube inserted to me in order for me to be able to breathe. Prior to last night, I had a dream that I was having a heart attack. I felt my body growing numb from my fingertips moving to my arms then closing in to my heart. The people around me thought I was kidding. I had to tell them that I was having a stroke of sorts. But my dream didn’t have a nightmare feel to it. It was just is.

I am attributing the heart-related ailments in my dreams with several episodes in my waking world where I feel my heart aching. As I tell some of my colleagues, “masakit ang puso ko.” I meant it literally. (Although I could mean it figuratively, too.) The muscle that pumps my blood throughout my body is in pain from time to time and I haven’t sought medical attention to address it. Maybe I should. One more dream and maybe I will.

That I can explain. The missing link to last night’s memory, though, is still twilight zone-y.

People Power for Nichi

PEOPLE POWER FOR NICHI is an optimistic attempt to raise the Php 3.1M needed for my brother's bone marrow transplant alone (exclusive of the pre and post transplant care). Be part of the 6,200 people who'll help free Nichi from his Leukemia. Your Php 500 can make a big difference in his life.


My 12-year-old brother, Joseph Nichole L. Delgado, has been battling his Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia since November 2001. From the day he was diagnosed, he’s been undergoing chemotherapy—following various protocols to eradicate leukemic cells present in his body. He has also completed a radiation therapy session yet his ailment keeps on coming back.

Middle of last year, his body almost gave up from the multiple doses of chemo drugs induced in his system. But through his love of life coupled by prayers, he was able to bounce back and was almost healthy come December 2006. When things seemed well, however, he started complaining about an abnormality in his left eye. After being checked by two eye doctors, a hematologist and a neurologist, we found out that leukemic cells have sought refuge in his left eye for they cannot be reached by chemo drugs there. These bad cells have caused Nichi’s blurring of vision. Today his left eye is no longer functional. Still it doesn’t prevent him from doing things he normally does like drawing.

Here are two of NIchi's drawings albeit his being a one-eyed artist:

Several doctors have recommended that Nichi undergo a bone marrow transplant for greater chances of survival. My whole family and I wish nothing but to give Nichi that transplant and the life he deserves to live. With the meager money we have and continuously trying to earn, we still couldn’t afford the best treatment for our Nichi. That’s why, I’m invoking everyone within my reach, everyone who has money to spare to please help our Nichi.

You can email me through battik14@yahoo.com for other ways of sending your help. Please place “People Power for Nichi” at the subject line so that I will not consider your message as spam mail by mistake.

I know that my fund raising attempt says that I would be needing Php 500 per person. That however is my way of making raising the Php 3.1M look more possible than it will ever be. It seemed easier to look for 6,200 people ready to spare that amount than 3.1 individuals who will spare me a Peso. But the said amount is just a suggested figure. My family and I will appreciate whatever comes from your heart. And rest assured, it will go to Nichi’s “miracle money”.

I have provided a fund raising update at the left margin of my blog to maintain transparency in terms of the help we have been receiving. Plus, it is kind of inspiring seeing how, with the help of friends and strangers alike, we are making Nichi’s future possible!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this piece.

For past articles about Nichi you may click on the following links:

Blessings Instead of Sheep
Ironic. Really. Home. Live. Lucky. Amazing!
Praying with the Faithful
The Adventures of the One-eyed Artist
Only in My Dreams
Nichi's Bystander
BMT cost breakdown
Read On to Digest the Meat of This Piece
Everyday with Nichi
Nichi Needs Your Prayers More Than Ever
Small Steps Back
Prayers for Joseph Nichole
A Letter from my Dad
When Cyberbobo Went Online and Cried for Help
Nichi's Home
Urgent: My Brother Still Needs Your Help
Nichi

BMT Breakdown by NUH-Singapore

This is from Zin Mar, Paediatrics Blood/Marrow Transplant Coordinator of the Paediatrics Department of National University Hospital, Singapore.

Please see below for detailed explanation on BMT cost and procedures.
However, Nichi will have to be on chemotherapy till remission before the bone marrow transplant. This will incur additional cost. I'll not be able to give you the figure. Drs need to assess him and decide on which regime he needs to be on.

(A) Initial Medical Consultation – Duration 1-day

For Patient
First consult, to determine
1. Suitability of patient and donor/s for BMT.
2. Schedule of BMT.
3. Meet with BMT nurse clinician/ coordinator (BMT NC)

If donor identified and confirmed, subsequent consults with physician and BMT NC will be required at 1 – 3 monthly intervals (3 days).

Selection of donors (at first consult)
1. HLA typing of all unaffected siblings (results available in 14 days)
2. If no sib match, unrelated donor search international registries for umbilical cord blood and adult donors (results available in 4 weeks)
HLA typing for patient and parent's cost about S$2000. Each sibling's HLA typing cost about S$ 550 (HLA A, B and DR Low resolution). If there's a match with one of the siblings, we'll do high resolution for the match donor, which will cost additional S$550.
However, if there's no match with any siblings, we'll have to search for donor or umbilical cord blood.

(B) Preparation of patient for BMT - Duration 3-days

1. Review, work-up, preparation starts 3 months before actual BMT (clinical examination, blood tests, medications)
2. Informed consent.
3. Confirmation of procurement of unrelated stem cell graft (if applicable)
(Procurement fees can range from $40,000 - $80,000)
4. BMT Nurse Clinician counselling.

(C) Preparation of sibling donor for BM donation – Duration 3-days

1. First review, work-up starts 3 months before actual BMT (clinical examination, blood tests)
2. Second review, work-up 1 month before BMT (clinical examination, blood tests)


(D) Patient’s Pre & admission for BMT – Duration 40 to 80 days

1. Review of patient 2 weeks before admission for BMT
2. Average duration of stay for BMT – 40 to 80 days

(E) Donor’s pre/ post and admission for BM donation – Duration 21 to 28 days

1. Review of donor 2 weeks before admission for BM donation
2. Bone Marrow Harvesting - Average duration of stay for procedure – 3-days
3. Review of donor 1 month after BM donation (1-day)

(F) Post-BMT follow-up for patient

1. Twice weekly follow-up to Day+100 of BMT, then weekly x 4 – 8 weeks, then monthly x 6 – 12 months
2. Return to home country allowed 6 – 12 months after BMT depending on complications

(G) Estimated Cost


The estimated costs for Blood & Marrow Transplantation (BMT) is about SGD$150,000++. It is an estimated costs for the transplant admit, laboratory tests during admission and medications. These charges do not include outpatient pharmacy, housing, transportation cost.

*Cost estimated serves only as a guide and it is not exhaustive.
*Cost may vary due to complications.

Ten Reasons not to Watch Breaking and Entering:

1. If you don’t love Jude Law.

2. If you have a short attention span and if slowness lulls you to sleep.

3. If you’re not willing to travel all the way to Ayala as it is only shown at Glorietta 4 (at least in Manila).

4. If your idea of humor is boxed in slapstick and eloquent words couldn’t possibly tickle your funny bones.

5. If you’re an escapist and would rather be entertained by CGI-populated visual spectacle instead of a hyper cross-section of reality.

6. If Anthony Minghella scares the wits out of you.

7. If you don’t have a friend who’s equally in love with Jude Law.

8. If you’re too busy with your life leaving you no opportunity to spend time with fictional life forms.

9. If you’re below 18 years old or if you don’t look like you’re above 18 years old.

10. If you can think of ten more reasons not to watch this movie.