Soaps Unlimited

Kanina sa Marimar…

Nagsinungaling si Corazon kay Sir Sergio na patay na si Marimar at ang batang dinadala niya sa kanyang sinapupunan. Naniwala si Sergio kaya naman ganoon na lang ang paghagulgol niya sa puntod ni Marimar. Mabuti na lang at di niya naitulak ang puntod dahil mukhang nakapatong lang ito sa damo na di umano’y tumatakip sa lupang pinaglibingan ng ating bida. Mabuti rin at di natuluan ng luha ang puntod dahil pihadong mai-is-smudge ang mga nakasulat dito. Then again, baka naman permanent marker ang ginamit dito so keri lang.

Samantala, ang bruhang si Angelika ay tuloy pa rin ang pagpapahirap kay Renato Santibañez na nabaliw na nga yata. At siyempre ganoon pa rin ang mga damit ni Angelika: pang-outlandish bimbo noong 80s. Hindi lamang sa mundo galit si Angelika, pati sa make-up mukhang gigil na gigil rin siya.

Sa mansion naman ni Bella Aldama, chinika na ni Bella kay Inocencia ang pagpapakiusap niya kay Corazon na linlangin ang dati niyang asawa. Kaso nagsimula nang maghanap ng Daddy ang anak niyang si Cruzita. Inamin naman ni Marimar, este Bella, sa kanyang anak na di na makikilala ng bata ang kanyang tunay na ama na nang-iwan sa kanila noon. Nag-iyakan sila at saka nagyakapan.

Nakakapagtaka lang at parang hindi apat na taong gulang si Cruzita kung mag-isip at magsalita. At mukha rin siyang pito o walong taong gulang na. Baka naman hindi talaga si Sergio ang tatay nung bata? At baka di rin si Marimar/Bella ang nanay niya. In short baka napalitan siya sa ospital o sa Amerika kung saan sila nanirahan ng nanay niya at kung saan kuminis ang kutis ni Inocencia.

Patuloy naman ang pangungulit ni Marvin Agustin (Di ko alam ang pangalan ng character niya at wala rin sa website ng Marimar at GMA) kay Bella. Ayan tuloy nabasted siya.

Tapos si Sergio, ayun at nag-iiinom na naman. Nagbasag pa ng bote sa may sementeryo. Mabuti na lang at hindi pa undas kung hindi, huli siya sa kasong paglabag sa liquor ban!

Naku, ano naman kaya ang mangyayari bukas sa…

Mah-rih-mar! Aw!

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We all know that the soap operas we see today have almost the same formula as the ones we’ve seen since we were toddlers. Their presence just proves how much of an industry they have become and how lucrative they may be.

TV show producers and TV networks make big bucks out of them. Meanwhile, these shows trick us into spending our time in something less than worthy of our second.

But we indulge. And no matter what our reasons are for doing so, we often times catch ourselves staring at the boob tube longer than we intended. For one, we willingly hold our breaths to discover what happens next to our favorite characters. And two, the shows we watch are deliberately stretched to cover very expensive airtime that makes the people we see on TV and behind it richer by the second.

So how do they stretch what-could-have-been-a-30-minute-show into a one-hour-telenovela? Aside from letting the show run for years, here are some of TV geniuses’ prolonging-a-show tactics:

1. Provide a recap that would run from eight to ten minutes. We wouldn’t want those who missed yesterday’s episode get lost, do we?

2. Add as many love angles as possible. That’s how we complicate our plot. We know our audience can handle it: Ms. X being romantically linked to Mr. Y who dated Ms. A, the former girlfriend of Mr. M and now the wife of Ms. X’s dad who previously introduced the better man, Mr. T, to his daughter Ms. X who, by the way, once kissed Mr. M…

3. Resurrect the dead. Wait, our viewers aren’t done with character C yet. Let’s bring him back from the dead and let him wreak more havoc!

4. Provide one-minute flashbacks every now and then. Let’s give our audience the benefit of an automatic rewind button.

5. Let the actors stare at each other for more than 10 excruciating seconds. Pensive scenes can be a big break for our stars. Let’s leave them be for a while to allow them to show of their talents…(5 seconds) waiting for a show of talent…(another five seconds) still nothing…(five seconds more) Ok that’s enough!

6. Display one scene using five different cameras. We can’t decide which camera angles should go! The camera shots are too good to throw away. Let’s just use everything we captured!

7. Put the missing-real-parents twist. The show needs excitement! The show needs adventure! And it has to be “unpredictable” so that our viewers wouldn’t easily know that our hero’s real parents are…

8. While you’re at it, throw in twins or sisters that have their identities swapped since birth or during the course of the series. That’ll give our viewers more to talk about tomorrow. And it will most definitely sell (not buy) us more time.

9. Don’t forget the perennial gunpoint scene speech that will definitely keep the viewers glued to their seats. We can’t just let the villain shoot anyone without revealing his/her motives and other future plans. Come on, give him/her the moment for a soliloquy, anyway s/he’s holding the gun which somehow resembles a microphone.

10. And finally, deliver an episode in several servings of one-minute glimpses with ten minute-advertisements in between. Let’s hold our audiences to their necks while our other hand reaps ca-ching, ca-ching. Besides, people have to pee in between scenes, don’t they?

There-youh-goh! Aw!