Fantastique!

This is how I placed it to Charlene whom I convinced, through my short-notice text, to join me in watching Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer:

“…kelangan ko ng dose of cinema…. Either manonood ako ng cine or magpapakulot ako!”

I guess she thought about how much of a disaster the latter option will be for me so she gave in. (Blogger’s shout: Salamat, Char, at hindi mo ako hinayaang makulot!)

Honestly, I wasn’t stunned by the first Fantastic Four movie. I still think that The Thing didn’t look as Thing-y as he should. I mean, years from now when we see The Thing’s bulky orange suit, we’d say in unison, “ang baduy!” Come to think of it, even in our time The Thing’s look isn’t as impressive as we’d expect it to be. And Mr. Fantastic’s outstretched arms are just as corny. He and Mark Herras (Philippine TV’s Fantastic Man) can hang out together, extend their arms, and we wouldn’t know who’s who.

But it’s a hype, the movie made, and so checking it out I did.

Fantastic Four is different from other Stan Lee hero tales in that the four protagonists do not have secret identities and have, in fact, reached superstar status even without their costumes on. The Human Torch amplifies how commercial their fame can get by flashing his new uniform which resembles that of a Formula One car racer, if not similar to Manny Pacquiao’s No Fear shorts filled with patches of every product he endorses.

The quartet’s lack of private lives makes being a hero extra hard—you know, they can’t move without being photographed, they’re all over the headlines, plus the people’s impossible-high expectations from them. It’s kind of like what Paris Hilton, Nicole Ricci, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears have to contend with on a daily basis. But of course unlike the Fantastic Four little is expected from these four prominent young Hollywood delinquents and yet they can’t meet the lowered standards set for them.

Comic book hero mogul, Stan Lee, not only makes his now-signature appearance, he even proceeds on introducing himself. Unfortunately for him, the strict security wasn’t convinced with his introduction, he ended up being thrown out of the high profile Richards-Storm Wedding.

Of course Stan Lee would have another opportunity to crash the ceremony some other time since this attempt for Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman to tie the knot is interrupted by a silver thing with a star complex.


Perhaps the Silver Surfer is the star of the sequel, thus explaining his grand entrance. He floats like a shiny metallic blob with alien strength coming from his surfboard. He is slim and bald with an almost perfect wash-board abs—good for viewing VTRs and probably DVDs. (Was the wash-board abs developed by his surfing a lot? Nge-nge!) His eyebrows were similar to that of 300’s King Xerxes. (Ang taray!) And as Charlene noticed, he looks like a well-polished Oblation. (When Silver Surfer, after being detached from his board, paced as fast as he could, Charlene and I were chuckling in our seats. We’re seeing an Oblation run in the middle of the year and on the silver screen at that!) He has a deep voice which I could hardly associate with him, probably because his supposed voice was too familiar; I can’t help but picture a big black guy in a leather coat and a pair of shades that clings to the nose bridge. (Siguro nag-didisguise lang si Morpheus dahil may utang siya kay Neo or kay Trinity!)

Despite being the movie’s main event, Silver Surfer was quite dumb for starting out destructive in his attempt to follow orders from something that resembles Hurricane Katrina when he can face it and actually defeat it unscathed. He would have scored more fans if only he thought of destroying the planet-feeding Galactus sooner.

Presenting us with not-so-smart characters may be the movie’s finest fault. Reed was smart, alright, but not smart enough to stop the returning Doctor Doom’s reeking evil plans sooner than he did. Sue, isn’t comfortable with all the attention they are getting. Hello! She’s the Invisible Woman. Anytime she’s sick of attention, she can disappear at will. I can’t say much about The Thing except that he’s beginning to look like Reed’s pet—following orders and all that stuff. Then Johnny, well, he didn’t even think of welding the giant Ferris wheel first before flying after the surfer. He almost killed dozens of innocents, and pissed off Mr. Fantastic and the US Army leader in the process. Now let’s not get started with those army guys. I mean, what were they thinking forming alliance with Doctor Doom? They tried to detain the four heroes and let the one with the bad record roam around, even welcoming him to the secured room where the magical board was kept. What’s wrong with them?

Fantastic Four is packaged with humor which works, but some punch lines are not really something kids would understand. The plot is too simple, it must have been made for kids. Now I’m confused!

Then there are Reed’s geeky tendencies. He says scientific things I cannot follow, including predicting where the Silver Surfer will poke another giant hole on the Earth’s surface next. Reed’s technical gibberish suddenly made me feel dumb myself!

Perhaps to best enjoy the movie, it is good not to think much. I didn’t think much inside the theater that’s why I got entertained. (It isn’t until later that I started criticizing it.)

Ironic isn’t it? The characters were mostly dimwits. You’re not supposed to think hard in order to appreciate the film. And yet, their mascot, the Silver Surfer, looked like Oble, the statue that welcomes you in UP Campuses, the icon that somehow represents the supposedly-best minds in the country. He even assumes the oblation pose when he submitted himself for the obliteration of Galactus. Kinda like subconsciously mocking the premier university of our country.

I don’t know.

Well at least I’m still not kulot. That probably is in itself fantastic.