Thursday, July 17, 2008

...And Then Some

So at around 12:25 AM, I found myself alone on a train station in a land that barely knows me.

As sad as it felt, I knew I had to accept that the way things are going, I am bound to have more of those 12:25 AM’s alone. It’s nobody’s fault but mine. But it’s sad. Even for me.

Lately I have been thinking. Days like mine when I have no responsibilities and no one who needs me badly, those are the most convenient days to go. You know what I am saying? It is the best time to leave smoothly.

At the train station where no one was looking, it was pretty much tempting to do something stupid. But as a sign spoke to me, I am reminded that life is valuable that’s why I have to act responsibly.

A lot of us forget. The value of life. We so easily abuse ourselves. Take our bodies for granted. Indulge in activities or habits that we know won’t do us good.

That is why it is best to always have something to live for. Family, work, a good cause, a child, a partner, friends. One thing that is strong enough to hold on to us and remind us what living is all about.

If not, we will all be a bunch of lost souls floating around, not giving a damn if a car hits us on our way home.

Early last year when I realized I would be a possible donor for Nichi’s supposed bone marrow transplant, that was when I truly became aware of how important my life is. I needed to take extra care of myself not for my usual selfish reasons but for the life of someone so dear to me whom I might just be able to save.

As it turned out, my life didn’t save Nichi or of anyone else for that matter.

It is ironic because for quite a time, Nichi was the one who saved me. And by being reminded of the almost one year he was deprived of, the one year I had which he didn’t, he continues to save me.

And I get up again.

I am not as alone as I thought after all.

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